What's Up With the Shorts?

It’s starting to get cold up here in Wisconsin, and that means it’s time to rebuild the carbs on the old sled, and weld up any cracks on my snowplow.  In other words - get ready for winter.  We even had some snow here on way home from work two weeks ago.  I love snow for three reasons.


  1. When I was young, large snowfalls meant no school, and that association of snow and a positive impact in my life, has never left me.
  2. The only people who don’t like snow are pussies, and I love to see pussies suffer.
  3. I have total domination over it.  When it snows, it’s just a matter of throwing the plow on my truck, and in a matter of minutes, the problem is solved.


Shoveling?  That’s for fags.  If I can’t get it with my truck or skid loader, it doesn’t get done.  My wife does get pissed at me for the snow on the front porch, but I just tell her to go through the garage.  My point is, there is no amount of snow that can’t be remedied by having some kick-ass equipment, and if you live in an area that receives any amount of snowfall, and you don’t have kick-ass equipment, you deserve to suffer.  Either score yourself a 4x4 with a plow, or move south, but whatever you do, quit your whining.  


The effects of snowfall are easier to deal with than anything that I can think of that may come my way.  Rain is a different matter entirely.  Even a brand new one ton truck with power fold vee-plow, cannot counter the effects of drought or flood.


I think the reason so many people have problems with snow and cold weather is because they are retarded.  They have no idea how to prepare for what everyone knows what’s coming, even in the simplest, most no-brainer areas.
Remember when you were a kid, and your mom dressed you appropriately and according to the current weather conditions?  Now you would think that after experiencing that day after day, year after year until people were old enough to dress themselves, they would have learned how to dress according weather conditions.  But this is what I see every winter:



I can’t believe that I have to explain this to people.  This is the order of how one’s attire should should change as the temperature begins to drop.  The shorts are the first thing to go.  Pants by mid-September in Wisconsin, then a long sleeved shirt, then a sweatshirt, and then a fall jacket, and then (and only then), a winter coat.  People who wear shorts and parkas at the same time are idiots.


As I get older, my tolerance for heat decreases, so I do wear shorts in the summer when it’s hot, but when I was a kid, my friends and I never (and I do mean never) wore shorts.  We thought they were gay, but there was also a lot very good reasons to wear jeans no matter how hot it was, like protecting your legs from:


  • thistles
  • bramble bushes
  • welding spatter
  • cutting torch slag
  • grinding sparks
  • oil, grease.dirt, or whatever might be on equipment or an automobile
  • shit covered farm animals
  • dogs that had been rolling in whatever
  • wet paint
  • dirt bike mufflers
  • falls and wipe outs
  • slimy fish
  • blood from gutting and skinning animals we shot
  • debris thrown from mowers and weed wackers
  • operator’s seats on equipment that had been roasting in the sun
  • 200 degree car interiors on a summer day
  • dirty, greasy tailgates
  • laying down or kneeling while working

I guess young people don’t encounter any of these hazards while playing video games.

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