No Way, No Fuckin' Way

As long my previous post got me on the subject of dumb guys having and ruining cool cars, here’s another story for your enjoyment.

Our story starts here.  Not a 442, but a pretty decent ride for a 16 year old kid.



Once, back when I was in high school this one dude decided that he would get drunk during school (as kids sometimes did back then), and during auto shop class, he thought he would go take his car for a spin around town, before he brought into the shop to work on it. (as kids sometimes did back then)  This was the first and only time however, that I ever heard of a kid combining the two extracurricular activities.  Can you guess what was the result?  Of course you can, but as with all good stories, this one’s got a twist at the end.


Yes the story goes exactly as you might expect it to go.  He went roaring through town, lost control, skidded down the sidewalk for about 300 feet, and took out a telephone pole and some old lady’s lilac bushes.  He was not injured, but his car was ruined.  


If that were me, it would have been fatal.  Not the accident, but the aftermath.  My dad would have killed me.  I’m serious.  I can remember thinking that backed when it happened, and I still shudder when I think about what would have went down if I had pulled something like that, to this day.


This kid’s dad was a little more lenient than mine because about two weeks later, not only was he still alive, but he was driving this:

Imagine this with 15 inch aluminum slots.  That's what he got after smashing his Cutlass.  You know, now that I think about it, my experiences with cars have produced a lot more tales of woe than glory.


I remember the moment I first saw that too, thinking, “No way!  NO...  FUCKIN’...  WAY.  It had a four speed too.  Funny thing, but I don’t know what ever happened to that ‘69 Camaro, but I have my suspicions.


Bonus story:
Special (Ed) Edition Chevelle

Imagine this with aluminum slots, a shitload of pinstripes, and a driver that shouldn't have been allowed to operate a bicycle.  That's what we were dealing with.

There was this kid in our town.  He was retarded.  I don’t mean he was retarded.  I mean he was retarded, if you know what I mean.  I can’t believe they ever allowed this kid to get a license, but he didn’t have one long.  This kid couldn’t leave a stop sign without doing a burnout, and you knew every time he was taking a corner if you were within a quarter mile of him.  Sheer terror on the highway.  Well it didn’t take long for him to put the dark side up and the shiny side of his car down, and that was the end of that.  Thank God it happened before he killed anybody.  He’s about 60 years old now, and hasn’t driven since.

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