Even Back When it was Easy, it was Hard

It sucks now, because now, they have a legitimate excuse.  There’s about eighteen million different engine types that have been offered by the Big Three in the last 30 years, and while it’s become much more difficult to identify a particular engine these days, it’s also much harder to identify a retard working at an auto parts store.  I can identify most pre-1985 small block Ford and Chevy parts by sight, but with newer stuff, I’m just as lost as the tattooed, earring wearing faggot behind the counter.

Can I help you?
Uh, probably not.



It wasn’t always that way though, before 1985, it was as easy to identify a retarded parts person as it was a Ford valve cover.  I’ll bet many of you had an experience like this at the auto parts store in the past:


“I need some exhaust gaskets for a small block chevy.”


“What year is it?”


“It’s 1979, for Christ’s sake!  What, have you been living under a rock?”


“I mean, what year is your car?”


“I don’t own a car.”


“Your truck then?”


“I don’t own any vehicle.  I wrapped mine around a tree last week.  Now I’m building a motor for whatever I might be able to get my hands on.”


Well, what year motor is it then?”


“How should I know?  It’s been laying in the weeds at my buddy's house for years.  He says it’s out of ‘67 Camaro, but he lies about everything.”


“Well, how about if I just look up exhaust gaskets for a ‘67 Camaro?”


“How about you, just go look in the same parts bin that you went to the last time someone came here and asked for exhaust gaskets for a small block Chevy, which was probably, what?, 15 minutes ago?"


“I don’t like your attitude.”


“Well, I don’t like your stupidity.  How long have you been working here?  Three months?  You should know by now that small block chevy gaskets are all the same.”


“Well, I’m just going by the book.”


“How can you go by the book, when step one of using the book is, knowing what year the particular vehicle/motor is?”


“See?, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”


“Fuck this, I don’t care if it cost twice as much, I’m goin’ to NAPA.”

6 comments:

  1. Oh hell yes. I still get them and often too. I mostly work on weird old British cars. I have been for something like 35 years. There is a lot of commonality of parts, infact I joke about there being a "British National Parts Bin" in the middle of Britian someplace where the manufacturers go to assemble their particular car...I will call up say a national supplier of MG and Triumph parts and order an X.for say a Jaguar or TVR. What car izzat for? You don't want to know, it s part number XXXYZ....I have to know what car...OK, its for a 1970TVR Tuscan V8.... Crickets chirping...We don't sell parts for that....No fooling, now please get me xxxyz.... And around and around we go...(BTW, the Tuscan V8 is about 1800 pounds, w/ a 289/271 and a top loader... Quick ain't the word.)

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    1. Bond, James Bond. Shaken not stirred. You know, I always kinda liked Jensens, as long as I didn't have to look at the back ends of them. What do you think about them?

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    2. Buying a Jensen is like buying a Rolls. Get a good one, that does not have rust, does not need an interior, and everything works, it'll be a fun and fast cruiser. Buy a bad one and your wallet will spontaneously combust, and your wrenching skills will inprove...

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    3. I always thought Jensens were like a chick with beautiful face, and a lard ass.

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  2. About as much fun as I have explaining that my 69 Chevy p/u has a Pontiac 400 in it, and I have no idea what it came out of.

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    1. I love different brand engines in cars and trucks, particularly in collector cars. Anything that irritates purists is good. I love seeing a Chevy motor in a GTO. By the way, in the late '50's, GMC's had Pontiac V-8's available as optional factory equipment.

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